I love you black people, all the variations and obscure things that make each and every one of you to be the unique version of yourselves. Every once in a while I have a conversation that makes me sit back afterwards and think about the implications of the things that you say. So today I wanted to talk to both you men, and the women and speak on a conversation I had with a good brother about a gambit of topics, but one I wanted to share specifically with you. So, jumping right in, two-thirds of the way through the discussion, something he said reminded me of a very vague but intriguing statement he made before about a “Stalker”.
Me being the nosy creature I am inquired he go into further detail about the statement! As he divulged the details about this woman, we eventually swayed into preferences and wants on our “those we can date and those we can’t” lists. I chuckled repeatedly in agreement to much he had to say. (Honestly I was in hysterics!) I explained that when he and I first spoke, I was under the impression – more of the assumption that he was in this awe-inspiring, jealousy inducing relationship. I was dead set that he was in a relationship that was so full of love that it would make me want to vomit envy! SERIOUSLY…
Surprisingly he stated that with a solemn voice, “the sistas I like, don’t like me.” Then, with a calm tone he says,
“The woman I’m with; she doesn’t have to be ‘conscious’. She just has to be for me… Someone I’m attracted to and really wants to be with me, and me with her!”
It was a synapse moment later that my mind traveled to a post I had made about conscious men, the pretext being that many of the “Conscious Women” I speak with have trouble finding a conscious man to date from wherever they are in the world. Then my brain jumped to my Spirit Brother, Vanguard whom consistently speaks to me about the insecurities he finds in the women he dates, and also he too doesn’t exclusively date conscious women and finds them more of an anomaly than a norm. Both of these brothers are secure in their identity, both intellectuals and open-minded.
This morning my first thoughts were of the implications it has to us conscious folk as a collective, and us as individuals. What I took away was that love and affection, and the desire of these things has NO prerequisites: that we are beings that desire to share and experience life alongside someone is a mode that doesn’t necessarily mean that we should only look for a certain ideal, or someone who only shares a certain sentiment for certain concepts and philosophy. That we can still keep our personal integrity and values whilst still sharing our journey alongside someone who doesn’t have to fit and exact bill.
This notion was something that years ago I understand, yet I took it and obscured it to only fit within certain parameters. I recognized that I had essentially sabotaged my own field of eligible men only because HE WASN’T CONSCIOUS. I forgot that there are many eligible men that share and agree to many in the concepts I hold for myself, all without being “conscious”.
On my Google+ profile a while back I had posted a meme that stated, “Women have been wearing weaves since Egypt; natural hair is not synonymous with consciousness.” What I didn’t gather at that time were the correlations between my brother’s statement and my meme. My understanding that a persons outer exterior has no bearing on their level of intellect or capacity of being a good match for you. Although many of us glorify natural as an indicator of, the opposite may or may not be true. And as well thinking beings, we should all take into account that ones presentation is not always indicative of whether or not they are in alignment with core values that would make them capable of loving us in the ways we need.
Oh… the lessons your learn when you ask someone about their stalker! Or maybe I’m one of those geeky types that finds meaning in anything someone says?! Although I’d bet the latter maybe more true, I think it’s important that we don’t “marry ourselves to philosophy” in such a way that we hinder our own quest for finding a partner. We dive so deeply into theories-n-such that we narrow our view, and our field of play.
So the moral of this story is… DON’T BE SUCH A TIGHT ASS!
None of use are the object of perfect, you’re only journeying on a path to find personal perfection at being good at being you. And someone’s gonna love you for it, plain and simple!